A Generic Singles Profile for Boulder County Women

January 24th, 2016 2:34pm - Posted By: Mark Cohen

I recently completed my first year of Internet dating. It has been educational. I have met many nice women and even made some good friends. I have also read the profile of every single woman in Boulder County. Because Internet dating is hard enough without having to spend hours writing a profile, I decided to create a generic profile you single women can use as starting point if you decide to dip your toes into the Internet dating waters. Here it is:

Hi.  My name is (insert name). I am a strong, intelligent, independent, passionate, confident woman and I’m comfortable in my own skin.

I’m an optimist; I see the glass as half full.

I'm low drama. If you are separated or recently divorced, I wish you the best, but please do not contact me.

Family is very important to me.

I am drawn to the beauty of Colorado and love the outdoors.  I enjoy hiking, skiing and (pick at least three more) skiing, x-country skiing, telemarking, snow shoeing, backpacking, kayaking, rock climbing, cycling, running, mountain biking, hang gliding, skydiving, hiking 14ers, bungee jumping, paddle boarding, Cross Fit, triathlons, 10K’s, and marathons.

Although I love the outdoors, I can really rock a little black dress.

I am spiritual, but not religious.

Yoga changed my life.

I also meditate and strive to practice mindfulness and gratitude.

My favorite book is (pick one) (The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle) (The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz) (The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho).

I love to travel. Next year I am going to (pick one) (Nepal) (Peru) (Thailand).

On a Friday night you can usually find me (pick one) (dancing at the St. Julien) (at the Boulder Shambala Center) (catching an indie film).

I am (pick one) (vegan) (vegetarian) (trying the Paleo Diet).  I love to cook and love having my partner in the kitchen with me.

I love to give back. I volunteer each week at (pick one) (the Boulder Food Bank) (the Boulder Valley Humane Society) (the Boulder County Justice Center as a Victim Advocate).

I desire a man who is confident, but not arrogant.  A man who is financially stable, but not concerned about material things. Fit, but not obsessive about it. Hard working, but easygoing.  Dependable, but adventurous. 

A sense of humor is a must!

Chemistry is very important.

Please have a photo in your profile if you message me.

I’m not interested in a long distance relationship.

I am not looking for a hookup or FWB, so please pass me by if that is what you seek.

Thanks for stopping by and good luck in your search!

There you have it.  That should give you a good start. Feel free to use and modify it as you see fit. The only catch is that with every single woman in Boulder County using essentially the same profile it can be difficult for men to understand what makes you unique. If you want to increase your odds meeting a great guy, consider adding a few of these: (I love my Denver Broncos) (I really need to get my Victoria’s Secret spending under control) (I think making out is way underrated) (I’d have to say my favorite material possession is my waffle iron). If you need help, you can contact me through the Mountain-Ear.  Good luck! 

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Resolutions for the New Year

January 13th, 2016 2:24am - Posted By: Mark Cohen

Well, it’s a new year, so I took some time to reflect on how I could improve during 2016.  Many people make resolutions for the New Year, but their resolve tends to weaken over time. One reason is that people set the bar too high. They said, “I’m going to run for President this year” or “I’m going to lose two hundred pounds by next month.” Not wanting to make that mistake, I decided to try to keep my resolutions for the New Year more realistic. Here they are:

First, I resolve not to f$^&k up.

Second, I resolve not to kill anyone no matter how strong my desire or how deserving the potential victim may be.

Third, I will cut back on my freakin’ cussing.

Fourth, I will be more optimistic in spite of the fact that the media bombards me every day with news of war, poverty, injustice, corruption, stupidity, and environmental catastrophe. Not to mention the fact that the sun will burn out in a few billion years and earth will become a frozen ball of ice so cold that the only creatures capable of surviving here will be Republican politicians.

Fifth, I’m gonna work on my freakin’ humility. Let’s face it, I had to good fortunate to be born a white male in the wealthiest nation on earth to parents that were not horrible. I had many advantages that contributed to my success. In America, a white male in a white shirt and striped tie can get away with just about anything.  (BTW, a big shout out to the Gilpin County deputy that just gave more a warning for speeding a few weeks ago). 

Sixth, I will be more grateful. I don’t have cancer. Not counting mental health issues, I don’t have any illness. My thirteen-year-old SUV is paid for and runs great. (Shout out to Terry for taking such great care of it). The Broncos snagged the number 1 seed even though they had a new coach and started an inexperienced quarterback for part of the season. There is much to be thankful for.

Seventh, I will take better care of myself. I will floss and brush my teeth each day and try not to wear the same underwear more than two days in a row.

Eighth, I won't let little things upset me. Whenever I sense tension coming on, I will take a deep breath and relax all my muscles as I exhale. Except when a driver slows down as they approach the freeway on the ACCELERATION ramp. I’m still gonna give those people the imaginary finger.

Ninth, I am going to try to respect the opinions of those who do not share my political beliefs. If a politician believes God created the earth six thousand years ago in spite of the evidence of carbon dating, they have a right to be stupid. This is America. If a politician thinks the fact that in the past fifty years we reached 300 parts per million and then 400 ppm in atmospheric carbon dioxide for the first time in 800,000 years is completely unrelated to our use of fossil fuels, well, I guess it could just be a coincidence.  If a politician who values the sanctity of life wants to give tax breaks to the rich while poor people lack access to basic healthcare, who am I to point out the hypocrisy? If a politician opposes abortion but wants to de-fund Planned Parenthood, who I am to point out that Planned Parenthood provides services that prevent unwanted pregnancies and thereby helps reduce the number of abortions? If a politician claims to believe in states’ rights, but then opposes the right of the states to legalize marijuana or assisted suicide, who am I to point out the inconsistency?

Finally, I won’t take it personally if someone doesn’t immediately like one of my Facebook posts. as Sun Tzu once said, “True friends can go for hours without liking each other’s Facebook posts, but when that after dinner like finally comes through, it’s like that long absence was never there.”

            There you have it. Ten realistic resolutions for the New Year. Wish me luck.

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